help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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