its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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