if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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