i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
