not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
