I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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