what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
