When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
