I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
