Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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