I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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