it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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