The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
