I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
