I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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