I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
