just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
