I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
