my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
