Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
