I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
