You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
