Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
