I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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