omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
