Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
