matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
