My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
