There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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