I just saw a hot homeless man
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
