Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
