Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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