final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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