He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
