I love black thongs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
