he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
