is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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