Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
