Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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