at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
