Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm at about main and main street
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just crazy horny about you
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
