i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
