i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What drink are we having for lunch?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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