A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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