Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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