You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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