If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
God gave him joint rollers for hands
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize