There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
