you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize