I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
