If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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