Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
