I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
