3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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