xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
