Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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