If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love having hate sex.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
