What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
