My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she looked like the before picture.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
