i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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