is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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