At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
