I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
