What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
