Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
