I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
