You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
