If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
