Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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