I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
