I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
