so explain again why im purple
no
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
