I hate your face
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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