So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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