So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
