I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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