Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
