I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
