I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
