even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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