i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
