Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
