Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
