your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
