Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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