xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
