It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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