i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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